At 6:30 am on Saturday I will be on a plane heading to Florida to get on a big boat and then spend 8 days doing as little as possible. Yet over the last few days I haven’t been excited. I’ve been anxious. I’ve been rundown agitated and unable to focus on things and having difficulty sleeping. I am not anxious about a specific thing. I am not worrying about the plane flight, or getting sick on the ship. I just have a general sense of unease and of being unsettled.
I have been thinking back and I get this same feeling before trips. Whereas other people get more excited and count down how many sleeps until their trip starts I seem to be trying to make the time before pass as slowly as possible. I had the same feeling before Monaco in 2008 and London/Paris in 2012. I loved both trips. I am confused by this. Could it be because of the list of things I have to do? If I was doing something big like going to live in Paris for six months I could understand but I have no idea why I have this reaction to going on a cruise and sitting in a deck chair. Does anybody else experiences this sort of thing?
Yes internets, today I turned forty years old. Somehow I never thought it would happen. I remember being twenty five. I remember being thirty seven. Each time forty seemed so far away but here I am. I celebrated by dyeing the grey out of my hair and doing laundry. My life is exciting. What do I think about turning forty. I don’t think this is how I imagined my life when I was forty. But frankly I never have really had a plan or ambitions for my life. My only ambition has been to be a writer. Which hasn’t happened. It’s a complete mystery to me as to why I am not a famous novelist. Oh yeah I have never finished a novel.
So I spent today coming up with a “bucket list”. Things I want to do and places I want to go.
So in no particular order:
Finish a novel
Live in a different town (I’ve been living in the same town since I was eighteen)
Live in another country (I am not sure how long it takes for it to be considered living in another country)
Write a piece of open source software that people actually use
Papua New Guinea/Borneo ( I joke that I think these place are fictitious and are just made up on maps)
I want to go back to Paris and London
Poland (The Homeland )
Update: I forgot to mention that I broke my string of celebrating my birthday in another country. The streak ended at one year.