Wonky's Land of Nonsensical Musings

Category: hope

I Will Not Give up Hope

I actually wrote this shortly after the attack in Nice but didn’t post it. I questioned about what right I had to talk about these things just because I had visited Nice. I’ve decided to post it anyway for two reasons. First, this is my blog and I’ll write about whatever I want. I also think it’s important topic. I’d apologize for it being kinda rambling but if you don’t know me by now….  

I have this habit of falling in love with anyplace I visit. It doesn’t matter if the trip is for work or pleasure. The allure of new place enchants me. This love takes a few different forms. Some places I enjoy the visit. These places I think about visiting again and spending a few days catching up on the things I missed or enjoying the local atmosphere again. But I have no interest in living there.  Rome comes to mind. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I have spent in the city but I am pretty sure living there would drive me nuts. Other places I enjoy and could actually imagine having a life there. I could see myself having a job, commuting to work etc. I think about London that way.

Old Town Nice

Then there is Nice France. Nice has imprinted itself on my brain like no other place. I haven’t been there for eight years. In fact technically I stayed in Monaco. I have not been able to get Nice out of my mind. I have bookmarked webcams so I can check what is going on.  Many a night I have fallen asleep while fantasizing about my life there. My fantasies were the most mundane things. I didn’t imagine myself as a rich man riding around in my yacht up and down the coast. I imagined myself in my simple little flat, going to work, getting up in the morning for a jog along the Promenade des Anglais. I have no illusions that Nice is a paradise. I know it has problems.

I am not going to recount the horror that happened their on July 14th 2016. If you are reading this in the future feel free to search the internet. I won’t give it any glory. It seems to be symbolic to do such horrible evil in such a beautiful place.

We live in an age when all the horrible things can be blasted to our screens almost instantly. We can breathlessly await the latest info to placate our desire for horror. Many can be driven to despair by this deluge of evil.  I will not give up hope We should not give up hope. We can grieve but not despair.

Events like this make me think of the line from The Two Towers. “What can men do against such reckless hate?”

Once we’ve passed by despair into hope, eventually we want to do something. What can we do? I will not be an interpol agent tracking down international terrorists. Hopefully I’ll never be involved in an incident and have to intervene like the brave soul in Nice did. What I can do is be a good person. By maintaining hope and love everyone of us can make the world a better place. We can love and be accepting of those we come in contact with.  We can make the world a better place by being better people. In the face of such hate I say love stronger, hope better, and dream bigger.

That was the year

I originally had the idea for a blog titled “that was the week”.  OK I totally admit to stealing that title from Keith Eckstein who used to do weekly roundups on his old blog A Taste of Garlic. On an unrelated note to this post Keith has a new blog about his new life over at http://www.huelgoatdiary.com/. Anyway, I planned the post to be about what happened to me during the week. Seeing how boring my life is I decided to just talk about what I really wanted to talk about.

That was the Year

Almost a year ago to the day my Dad took his first of several trips to the hospital. Thus began a eight month saga.  During this time he made several trips to the ICU and spent his time in an assisted living facility (ie nursing home). I prayed. I hoped. I kept the phone with me always and tried to be prepared to hear the worst news.  If a weekend went by and I couldn’t get up to see him I felt worried. Thankfully he is back home now.
About this time last year my own health problems started.  I postponed going to the doctor for months as the situation with my Dad developed.   I finally did go to the doctor and got a diagnoses. While annoying in that it takes a long time to cure, it is not life threatening and trust me I had all sorts of horrible diseases going through my head. Funny enough not the one I was diagnosed with.  I had never even knew it was thing.  
Early in the year mine and my Dad’s health problems conspired to give me a horrible case of insomnia. It lasted for months.  For three or four days I would get about 4 hours of sleep and then finally my body couldn’t take it anymore and I would crash for several hours.  I spent most lunch hours curled under my desk napping just to make it through the day.  This insomnia was a very odd one.  I would go to bed and fall right asleep but wake up three or so hours later. I was awake but things weren’t right.  I just lay in bed with my mind just spinning like a train on greased tracks.  I remember that during march madness my mind would be playing basketball games in my head.  The insomnia ended suddenly.  It stopped after the first time I went home and saw my Dad back at home where he belongs.  
All in all, it has probably been the worst twelve months of my life. I am not saying this to get pity or have people feel bad for me.  I am not really down about it. It isn’t really in my personality to get depressed about things.  That only makes them worse.  I am more hopeful than I am down about what has happened.  It is what it is. It’s life. You move forward when you can. We have not been promised easy lives. Anyone who tells you life can be easy is trying to sell you something. 
Oh and just for fun, I got a letter form the IRS a week ago saying I owe them $1400.

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