Wonky's Land of Nonsensical Musings

Month: August 2016

TWTW August 22nd through the 28th: My Internet Breaking leads to Jobu have a Terrible, Horrible, No Good Day

Jobu moments before the terrible horrible no good day

This all began the Friday of last week. So it partially takes place in last weeks TWTW. I woke up the previous Friday and my internet was out. I didn’t spend a lot of time working on it because I had to run off to work.  I thought the problem might work itself out as it had many times before.

When I got home my networking and tv(which are connected) still weren’t working. I tried all the tricks. Rebooting the computers.  Rebooting the routers. I even reset the routers to factory defaults. I finally decided to call support.  I called three times and every single time my call eventually got disconnected. So I used my phone as an access point and got online to try that help system. There I was finally able to contact somebody to confirm there was a problem and that a technician had to come out. The earliest they could come out was Wednesday morning.

I didn’t realize how important internet access at home was until it disappeared. I would be sitting watching something on over the air tv or on a saved file and think “I wonder what else this actor was in.  I’ll just look it up onlin.” oh wait no I won’t. I am totally addicted to the internet. I access the internet about once every five minutes. I used my phone as an access point and to play music during the days the internet was down. Most months I use slightly more than a gig of data. In the three days I used my phone I used almost 4 gigs of data.

Wednesday morning came and I waited for the technician to come. I had the balcony door open so Jobu could enjoy himself before the technician came.  The repairman called me about 15 minutes before he would show up. Jobu was running around and I told him that someone was coming and he needed to hide under the bed. He ignored me. When the repairman showed up he decided to run out on the balcony and hide among the plants. That wouldn’t be a problem except inclement weather was on the way. In fact it was already sprinkling.

The repairman left to go check out the connection outside and Jobu came back inside. I warned him that he needed to hide under the bed since rain was coming. At this point I admit my own failing in not closing the balcony door.

The repairman came back. Of course Jobu ran back out onto the balcony. The repairman did his thing tracking down bad lines when it started to rain.  Jobu came to the balcony door and cocked his head listening. “Is he still here?” Yep. I urged Jobu to come in but he ignored me.  Jobu decided to huddle be the corner of the balcony next to the building where the rain wasn’t hitting.I begged him some more to come inside but he pretended not to understand english.

I got distracted talking to the repairman for a few minutes. When I turned back to the balcony I was stunned. A torrential monsoon downpour had come. Rain in solid sheets was flying into my balcony. I rushed to the open balcony door and leaned out while being pelted by giant rain drops. I beheld one of the most pitiable sights I have ever seen. Jobu sat being soaked by the pouring rain.  On his face was fixed the most abject look of misery I had ever seen on a living creature. I kind of wish I had taken a picture but then I would have only been celebrating his misery. Now the misery was the result of his own stupidity, but I still knew as his daddy I had to save him. I ran inside to grab an umbrella. I didn’t know what I was going to do with the umbrella. I had thoughts of running out there and using he umbrella to shield him or perhaps I was just going to grab him and drag him inside.  At this point the gutter, which was right above Jobu, overflew and water poured down on top of him. He sprinted inside and found a corner and cowered inside.

I could barely reach him and he was sopping wet. I grabbed some towels but couldn’t get to him to dry him off. Finally after the repairman left, Jobu came out and I was able to dry him off.

After I dried him off to prove he survived

I was worried that he might have long lasting traumatic psychological damage, but when I came home from work later in the day he seemed to have completely forgotten his ordeal .

TWTW August 15th through the 21st I am Driving a Death Machine

It’s hard to get anything done at home with no networking.

I Drive a Death Machine

I am currently driving a 2007 Honda CRV. This model has been caught up in the big death airbag recall. They had sent out the recall for the driver side some time ago. Just last month another recall came in for the passenger side.  This recall contained a warning in red letters.  Honda suggests that you avoid having a passenger sit in the front passenger’s seat until the recall repair has been performed.   Oh I did forget one important thing both recalls mention that, THEY DON’T HAVE THE PARTS TO FIX IT YET.  The claim they will get the parts in the fall. Until that time I am driving around in a death machine that could kill me and my passenger.

New Cars are too complicated

Saturday my Mom drove through on her way down to see my grandparents. She called with a problem. The battery light had started flashing.  She became worried that the alternate might be failing and didn’t want to end up stranded. So we swapped cars. She sped off in the death machine while I took her car to the Honda dealer. I told them the story and they said it would be a little bit before they could get to it. I sat in their waiting room drinking their free coffee. After about forty five minutes the mechanic calls me over. He has a little smirk on his face. “Sir, that was the warning light for the battery in the key.  We replaced it at no cost.”  Fancy new cars have to have the key with a battery in them for it to keep running.

TWTW August 8th through the 14th the Great Cicada Slaughter of 2016

No is the time of the year in the midwest when we are overrun with cicadas. They fill the trees with their large bodies and they fill air with the sound of the reeeeing. They just keep getting louder. Reeee REee REEEEEE!!!  Apparently making a lot of noise isn’t the only thing they are good at. They also excel at getting eaten.

I often let Jobu out on the balcony. He has a grand time out there. Eats the plants, sniffs the air, and once in awhile kills an insect. Monday night I am sitting at my computer doing something when he runs in from the balcony with something in his mouth. He drops it on the ground and starts batting it about in wild abandon. It is the giant body of cicada. He lost interest in a minute or so and just left the poor dead thing on my floor. The next night he comes prancing in from the balcony with another cicada in his mouth. This one isn’t dead. It’s REEEING at the top of it’s voice. Is it calling for help? Is it begging for mercy? I don’t know.  All I know it Jobu took a good 4 minutes to kill it off. I realized he enjoys inflicting pain on other living creatures. I have willingly invited this thing into my house. I am convinced he is going to kill me in my sleep.  I took of video of the poor cicada’s demise:

The next night he did the exact same thing.   Note how dirty the carpet gets when you have a long hair black cat and don’t vacuum for a couple of weeks.

TWTW August 1st through the 7th: I End Up in a Car Commercial

It was a busy week

I End Up in a Car Commercial 

We’ve all seen those car commercials.  The ones I find so absurd.   You know the scene. It’s a standard suburban block in somewhere America. Cookie cutter houses are lined up with their cookie cutter vehicles in the drives. Perhaps they are four door sedans.. or small crossovers or minivans.. either way they are all bland and alike. And then here comes Bob in his exciting unique new four door sedan or small crossover or minivan. It’s exciting and sets Bob apart from the other suburban drones. You cut to the family staring in awe and perhaps the  attractive neighbor who drops her water hose and seems a little too interested in Bob’s new car. Of course Bob’s new four door sedan, or crossover, or minivan looks exactly like all the other ones on the block.

Well, I found myself walking down my own little bit of suburban wasteland. I stared at a four door sedan I didn’t know. It looked kinda of racy and dare I say unique. I actually stopped and popped out my headphones, I had to know what model it was. It was a new Honda Civic. Note this post is not sponsored by Honda. but hey Honda.. if you wanna send me some money$$ 

I’m Feeling Good Vibrations with My Girl 

I took Friday off work so I could go to a concert. I saw the Temptations open up for the Beach Boys. Man was it fun. I don’t know if I found the Temptations better than the Beach Boys or the Beach Boys better than the Temptations. I had an amazing time.

TWTW July 25th through 31st: Saying Goodbye to the Traveling Pants

Funny Cat Gif of the Week

No kittehs were harmed in the making of this gif.

Tossing Out the Traveling Pants

I did my laundry. I had noticed the last time I did laundry that a pair of my khakis had a stain on the front that didn’t come out. This time I got out the stain stick and scrubbed that thing as best as I can. After the wash I checked the khakis and the stain was still there. I unceremoniously tossed them in the garbage at the laundromat. It wasn’t till sometime later I realized that I thrown away the traveling pants. Eight years ago I had bought those khakis at a Walmart for like ten dollars. I then took them on almost every trip I’ve taken since. Those trousers had walked the streets of London, Paris, Rome, Nice and many other places. And I had just tossed them out like yesterday’s Jam.. but jam lasts for ages.

Wearing the traveling pants in Nice France

You mean there are 31 days in July?

As part of my financial plan I keep a budget. As part of that budget I usually have forty dollars ear marked for playing the gambling machines.  I do minimum bets and it is a fun way to waste a few dollars. I’ve decided for the month of August to not do it to save a few more bucks.  So Sunday I am sitting with some friends and I made a joke about celebrating that I hadn’t gambled yet in August. They look at me funny. 
“I know it’s not very funny being August 1st.” 
“Dude it’s July.” 
“No it’s not. Yesterday was the 30th.” 
“There are 31 days in July.”
“Are there?” I check me phone.. “oh”

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