On the very tails of writing Two Kinds of People, I found a blog post that re-enforced some of the things I wrote about. I am not going to give a link or name a name since I don’t want to embarrass that person.
|LOSERS by flickr user Herbalizer|
We can be both kinds of people
I would describe the blogs author as a winner. A person who has made their own life. I’ve followed them online for years. Over ten years ago they decided to make a new life. They changed careers and found happiness and fulfillment through willful choice. And yet here was this person that I saw as an inspiration writing a whiny loser post. So even a person who has been the model of living with intention can wallow in self pity and defeatism. I am convinced that if they were to continue in this attitude it would drag them down to more negativity. Knowing them I assume that they will begin being positive again.
Luck is a loser word
I tweeted out recently “Luck” A loser word, losers use when other people win. Luck is a word I almost never read in this person’s vocabulary, and yet here it was four times in one post. Luck seems to rarely be a word used by “winners” (Note: as you can tell I am struggling with what terminology to use to describe these two types of people) even when talking about things not within their control. You are not lucky or unlucky as to who your parents were. “I am glad I had such good parents”, or “my upbringing wasn’t the best but I have gotten to were I am.” Winners don’t view life circumstances as lucky or unlucky. Things you can’t control are seen simply as the things that are. If it’s positive it is seen as an opportunity to be taken advantage of. If it’s negative it is seen as a circumstance to overcome. There is quite a bit of wisdom in the common American sports phrase “It is what it is.” A ref makes a bad call that affects the game? It is what it is. You deal and move on.
Losers are self obsessed and see other people’s success as an indictment
I touched on this in the previous posts. I think the best way to explain it is with an example. You are single and you see a happy couple. Seeing that couple makes you feel miserable. You might even see their existence as a commentary on your own failures. As if someone else’s happiness is about you. What are they suddenly supposed to be miserable so your self obsessed self can feel marginally better. Which you wouldn’t because it is not about them. It is about you. If they didn’t even exist you would feel the shame or the guilt because that is within you. I see this often. The idea that someone else’s success is a commentary on you as a failure. Trust me that person succeeding isn’t even thinking about you.