I had a little vacation from work planned around July 4th. As my goal for this time, I wanted to relax, refocus, and recenter myself The first few days weren’t a complete waste but things were not going well. I felt agitated and nervous. The days seemed to be going to fast. I had originally planned on going somewhere like a cabin for a personal retreat but for reasons was unable to do so. And I knew the last two days of my vacation would be spent helping to take care of my Dad.
Do to his private nature I won’t go into details, but my Dad suffers from a medical condition that leaves him basically bed ridden. So he requires the type of care consistent with that situation. I wouldn’t be doing this alone. A wonderful care giver, shout out to Laurie, who helps take care of him would be there. Perhaps that was what was making me nervous. I did have a horrible nightmare of him falling all over the place and hurting himself.
I drove up to help out. The oddest thing happened. A sense of calm and satisfaction grew in me. I found myself become not more relaxed per say, but more present and centered. These feelings have stayed with me since I left.
I don’t know if only one thing or a combination led to this state of being. I didn’t really have to do much. My Dad doesn’t do a lot of interaction right now. A lot of time was spent reading or watching tv. I also didn’t spend much time on the internet. For some sadistic reason I like to read things that make me angry. The common phrase yelled at my browser is “Stop saying stupid things!”. But I know what I think really helped: the ability to show love to someone through simple physical care. It is a simple thing to wipe a chin or make sure his hair is combed, but these acts can express love and bring us together. When I had to leave I told him I loved him and he said he loved me to. Many times in my life he has shown me he loves me through actions. I was able to do the same for once.